Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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Male: Get in the van.

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Get in the van.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!