Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

thumb_up thumb_down -2

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

thumb_up thumb_down +73

"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

thumb_up thumb_down +180

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

"My mom won't be home for hours..."

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

thumb_up thumb_down -37

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Get your coat, I've got a knife.

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Male: Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

thumb_up thumb_down +149

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!