At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Wanna have sex?

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Want to go out? No

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sound of zipper

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Stop Footing Around

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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I've got candy.

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!