Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

sound of zipper

thumb_up thumb_down +34

EVERYONE ELSE

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

thumb_up thumb_down +107

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

thumb_up thumb_down +217

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

thumb_up thumb_down -30

You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

thumb_up thumb_down +131

He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

thumb_up thumb_down -77

What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

thumb_up thumb_down -47

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -55

My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +216

your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!