If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!