him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Penis. I got it

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!