If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -83

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +242

Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

thumb_up thumb_down -55

who wants to play EPAR

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How much do you like peanut butter?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -43

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +281

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down -123

Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!