Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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- Did it hurt? - Yes.

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Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

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your almost as hot as my wife

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!