Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

thumb_up thumb_down +166

Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

thumb_up thumb_down +143

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -153

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -155

Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

thumb_up thumb_down -161

Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

thumb_up thumb_down -30

-Do you like me? -No

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -98

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Hey can I have your number? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!