Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

Business Y U No Advertise?

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

Jdkfk

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!