Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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"Next!"

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!