hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!