"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!