Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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