Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Girl: Hey classy older man, wanna get to know me better? Man: Sigh... sorry lady I am the man that played Gandalf in that... shitty lords of something movie... Girl: so what? Man: Sigh... you know.. Gandalf the white and Gandalf the gay...? Girl: Huh? Man: Ever seen the X-men? Girl: Yeah... Man: ONE WORD: FAGNETO! Girl: uh.. okay.. "leaves". Ian McKellen: Sigh... should have come out of the closet sooner...

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!