- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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-hey, come here a minute.

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!