You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

You allergic to semen?

I take the the out of psychotherapist

Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!