do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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Sigh, reminds me I am banging a girl named Tina, and one named Line right? Plus my wife whose name I wont reveal because she matters (Line, Tina, you do not!) Anyway, when people ask me "what the hell was that noise Nero (No idea what Neronism is, fuck him for stealing my name) I tell them "meh I was just screwing Line and Tina" People always go like... Man... YOU DONT HAVE TO LIE TO ME SON! YOU GOT STREET CRED HERE MODAFOCA! Tina and Line? You cant come up with better names SON? EH? If you wanna lie to me again SON, Then you get some original names SON! And I go like... So, can your sister sit down now? And he goes all like SHEET, was that you? Nice score man! And then I went "thats your sister you know that right?" Anyway, you want me now? INSTA ANTI PICKUPLINE... BECAUSE WHO NEEDS PICKUPLINES AT ALL! I AM JUST BEING MEEEEEEEEEEE! AND YOU MIGHT HATE ME!!!!!!! BUT YOU WOMEN STILL END UP TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU HATE THAT GUY YOU FUCKED LAST NIGHT! AND YOUR GIRLFRIENDS! Man... I need another Smoke... SMOKE WINS FAILTALITY. Ps: Yo Harris, stop congratzing me for banging your sister, she is not a nice catch for youz! She is your sistah DUDE! STOP GIVING ME THE THUMBS UPS EVERYTIME SHE COMPLAINS HER ASS IS STILL SORE... I mean does he get it? Or does youz congrats me because you dont understand that Rebecca your "innocent" sister is really into anal something I usually just reserve for the... actually good girls...

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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