Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!