Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!