If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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jack sanders

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!