At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

I just killed my wife. What should I do?

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!