Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

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my dick is 2 inches

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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Stop Footing Around

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!