Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

thumb_up thumb_down +117

roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -37

You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

thumb_up thumb_down +95

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

thumb_up thumb_down -76

-hey, come here a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!