hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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I have a gun.

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!