How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

thumb_up thumb_down +133

Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

thumb_up thumb_down +46

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -28

sex me.

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

thumb_up thumb_down +41

So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

thumb_up thumb_down -41

HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

thumb_up thumb_down -11

BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Hello children! :D

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

thumb_up thumb_down -170

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +18

- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

thumb_up thumb_down -71

who wants to play EPAR

thumb_up thumb_down +16

And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

thumb_up thumb_down +231

At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!