I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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guy: ermm...i like blondes ;) ima blonde too...we r a perfect dumb blonde match!!!! girl: yeah but im the dumb one in this situation. and have u taken a look in the mirror lately?!?! guy: yeah...well...uhh...maybe.........no not really... girl: well first of all you got pimples the size of mars, you have cross-eyes, you nose is bigger than squidwards nose, and let me see ur d!ck...now!!!! guy: oooh getting right to the point!!! i like it *unzips his pants and pulls out his nub* girl: uhh well u aint got no point, it looks like ur point just broke... guy: well midgets cant help it!!!!!!!!! dont judge my falses!!!!!! girl: okayy...besides theres wayyy too much to judge...no point...ur a complete waste of my timee!!!!!!!! now go watch porn and see if it grows a little bigger than his little nub u got.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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who wants to play EPAR

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!