Hey, you want a ride?

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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you look like my mother

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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greetings clarisse...

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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all in all it was a good orgy

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!