Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Hey, you want a ride?

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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you look like my mother

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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all in all it was a good orgy

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!