-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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"Don't scream"

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!