-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

thumb_up thumb_down +468

You allergic to semen?

thumb_up thumb_down +24

can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

thumb_up thumb_down +152

Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

thumb_up thumb_down -73

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +145

You look... clean

thumb_up thumb_down +83

He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

thumb_up thumb_down +286

Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

thumb_up thumb_down +186

Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

thumb_up thumb_down +170

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

thumb_up thumb_down -108

-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +357

"Don't scream"

thumb_up thumb_down +90

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +194

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

thumb_up thumb_down +233

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

thumb_up thumb_down +120

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

thumb_up thumb_down +147

I have no gag reflex.

thumb_up thumb_down +128

-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

thumb_up thumb_down +316

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +233

-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

thumb_up thumb_down +174

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!