How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

thumb_up thumb_down +145

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down -58

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

thumb_up thumb_down +210

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down -97

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

thumb_up thumb_down -49

ANYWAY... I have been married for around X years right? (My wife is anon because reasons valid reasons!) And I told my wife "Babe, you know what you got married into baby, how about you and I consider having a third one in the bed... No not a guy, thats disgusting, you agree? Awwride! So anyways, she was like "Uh... Ask me again in a year I need to think things trough, and I want you for myself..." Next week we was fucking my new (back then neighbor) which is 28 or whatever (I dont remember my neighbors name BAHAHA (actual laugher)... Peeps, say what you want about me, ill be the one fucking the prom queen tomorrow... And you know, maybe someone else, sex with more than my waifu the prom queen is addictive, I mean sharing (salive, cum juices) is caring right? Okay, I better stop here, Rebecca (SHADDAP AUTOCORRECT ITS HOW HER NAME IS SPELLED... I guess) is upset... No not because I am typing this, but because I am out here freezing my ballz off smoking her ciggs... Man The great stuff about "decent equipment" is that I dont need all that much energy, just the speed to keep the girls screaming!

thumb_up thumb_down -96

i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +64

4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

thumb_up thumb_down -30

GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

thumb_up thumb_down +159

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!