Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!