Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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who wants to play EPAR

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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I hate you already.

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Do you live around here often?

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!