He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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Soon

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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