- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!