Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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You look... clean

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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imgonna r@pe you

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!