Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

thumb_up thumb_down +120

hey baby i just came in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -8

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

thumb_up thumb_down +147

Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I have no gag reflex.

thumb_up thumb_down +128

Still a better love story than Twilight

thumb_up thumb_down -35

-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

thumb_up thumb_down +316

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +233

Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

thumb_up thumb_down -149

-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

thumb_up thumb_down +174

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

thumb_up thumb_down +62

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

thumb_up thumb_down +189

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

thumb_up thumb_down -60

- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

thumb_up thumb_down +120

Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Shorts and pants compilation: Hey you a cheap prostitute or just out of my league? Hey mom I just watched some more hentai today and wonder if you would... Why are you screaming? Its just me naked with a boner! According to hentai its completely natural! I mean I am getting to do you when I turn eighteen right? No? You are a horrible mother! I am so telling dad you wont give it up! Bitch, you like men that beat you up while fucking you? You do? Oh, my! This is like too freaky too me! *runs out girlie screaming* Dad, I watched some other hentai today and, I wonder if you... Moral: *Pants*, there you go.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!