Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Im gonna rape you..

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!