-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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Have you met Ted?

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!