Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -88

roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

thumb_up thumb_down +130

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

-Get in the Van

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

thumb_up thumb_down +82

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

thumb_up thumb_down

Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

thumb_up thumb_down +183

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

thumb_up thumb_down +3

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

thumb_up thumb_down -131

there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Your skin would make a nice coat.

thumb_up thumb_down +254

This doesn't have to be a rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +147

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

thumb_up thumb_down +193

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!