- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

Does it smell in here or it just you?

Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

you actually look alright with the lights on.

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

GET IN THE VAN!!!

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book