Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

thumb_up thumb_down +116

At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

thumb_up thumb_down +95

This doesn't have to be a rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +145

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -160

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +171

man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

thumb_up thumb_down -24

My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

thumb_up thumb_down +42

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -77

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

thumb_up thumb_down -71

I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +306

I'll eat your poop

thumb_up thumb_down +8

You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

thumb_up thumb_down +71

"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!