If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Drink this!

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

i am with stupid l l l \/

thumb_up thumb_down +207

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

thumb_up thumb_down +152

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

thumb_up thumb_down -6

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

thumb_up thumb_down -73

As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

thumb_up thumb_down -93

roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

thumb_up thumb_down -17

adam burdass

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -35

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

thumb_up thumb_down +140

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down

Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

thumb_up thumb_down -95

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!