Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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greetings clarisse...

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Shorts and pants compilation: Hey you a cheap prostitute or just out of my league? Hey mom I just watched some more hentai today and wonder if you would... Why are you screaming? Its just me naked with a boner! According to hentai its completely natural! I mean I am getting to do you when I turn eighteen right? No? You are a horrible mother! I am so telling dad you wont give it up! Bitch, you like men that beat you up while fucking you? You do? Oh, my! This is like too freaky too me! *runs out girlie screaming* Dad, I watched some other hentai today and, I wonder if you... Moral: *Pants*, there you go.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!