I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!