Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

How much do you like peanut butter?

excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

Glass Basketball

Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!