At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

thumb_up thumb_down -45

on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

thumb_up thumb_down +27

- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

thumb_up thumb_down +45

I wish my sister was as hot as you.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

thumb_up thumb_down +126

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Drink this!

thumb_up thumb_down +74

M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

thumb_up thumb_down +152

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

thumb_up thumb_down -6

As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

thumb_up thumb_down -17

adam burdass

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -35

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!