roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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adam burdass

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!