Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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are you on fire?

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!