roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

-Get in the Van

Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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