How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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adam burdass

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!