HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

-Get in the Van

He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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