Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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greetings clarisse...

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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So when' the baby due?

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!