I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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whats up ho

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I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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sound of zipper

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

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Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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