man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Do you live around here often?

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Hello children! :D

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!