One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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why are you you touching me ????

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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