Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Do you live around here often?

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!