-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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imgonna r@pe you

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Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!