You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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Damn you look good in beer goggles.

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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-Get in the Van

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!