I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!