“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

thumb_up thumb_down -19

girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down -1

If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

thumb_up thumb_down -182

man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

thumb_up thumb_down -44

"Next!"

thumb_up thumb_down +126

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

thumb_up thumb_down -67

It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

thumb_up thumb_down -31

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!