Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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-I love you.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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I've got candy.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!