Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!