Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!