Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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who wants to play EPAR

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!