Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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I've got candy.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!