Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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Im gonna rape you..

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Male: Get in the van.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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#1 You're breath smells like Skittles, can I taste the rainbow? No, because , while mine may smell like Skittles, yours reeks. #2 Girl: Hey, I got this new Kiss Proof lip gloss, wanna try it out? (there are 2 answers to this) 1.Boy: Well, yours may be Kiss Proof, but mines not, and I don't have time to re-apply this after 2. Yeah, I do want to try it out, but not with you.

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Sex?

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!