My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Soon

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Im gonna rape you..

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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greetings clarisse...

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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I'll punch ya!

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imgonna r@pe you

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!