-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

thumb_up thumb_down +75

I hate you already.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -67

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

thumb_up thumb_down +120

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

free candy....

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

thumb_up thumb_down +41

How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

So when' the baby due?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

thumb_up thumb_down -65

- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

thumb_up thumb_down +130

if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

thumb_up thumb_down -72

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!