Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

Soon

Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

whats up ho

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!