You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

-Get in the Van

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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