Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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Are your prices by the hour

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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whats up ho

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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Have you met Ted?

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Stop Footing Around

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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-I love you.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!