Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Do you live around here often?

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Welcome to DIE!

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!