- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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