My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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EVERYONE ELSE

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!