- Anti-Pickup Line

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

For you that think your family are too overprotective when it comes to sex, this was my story as a teenager. Mom: Hi guys! Me and ladyfriend: Hi mom! This is my ladyfriend: (insert your name if you are female) Dad: Woho! Good catch son! claps me on shoulder Mom: Dont worry, you guys just go right up and "study" eh ;) eh ;) and we are gonna put the music REALLY LOUD down here! And there is no need to be ashamed of stains nor anything. Dad: No we understand ;) ;) ;) Girl: Uh... you invited me just to study right? Me: Believe it or not I did... Dad: Yeah you two young ones go study! Remember condom though! ;) Girl: Axel! WTF?! leaves Me: Mom.. Dad! WTF!? I dont know anything about algebra (not even to this day, and I am almost 30) Dad: Algebra eh? ;) Next time give her a good "algebra". Me: Mom tell that moron tha... Mom: Relax son, I understand that you boys have desires and the next time you take her with you, you dont need to be ashamed or come up with excuse.. Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Moral: To believe I learned most my ways by having ladyfriends... despite my parents... Mom and Dad overprotective? Good... trust me!

-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch flushes the toilet

-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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