- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!