Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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I have no gag reflex.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!