M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!