I've got candy.

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Jdkfk

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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"Don't scream"

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

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Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!