Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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I'll eat your poop

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!