Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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free candy....

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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I'll eat your poop

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!