Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Jdkfk

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!