Hey, do you want to dance? No.

Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

I'm your Edward and your my Bella

You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

adam burdass

Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

free candy....

I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!