will you marry me

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!