He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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free candy....

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Do you want to see something swell?

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!