Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!