-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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-I love you.

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Im gonna rape you..

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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greetings clarisse...

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!