What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

thumb_up thumb_down +87

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

thumb_up thumb_down +203

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

thumb_up thumb_down -43

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Nice legs what time do they open

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

thumb_up thumb_down +78

cockface

thumb_up thumb_down -107

If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

thumb_up thumb_down +170

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

thumb_up thumb_down -196

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

thumb_up thumb_down +27

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

thumb_up thumb_down -126

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!