-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!