Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!