Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

Whatever I'll just date myself.

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

Dont blame me for using moral all the time its just part of my sig...nature XD Moral: Not a pick up line, so its pretty anti.

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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