- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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- You look really nice - I know

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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Hello children! :D

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!