Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Shorts and pants compilation: Hey you a cheap prostitute or just out of my league? Hey mom I just watched some more hentai today and wonder if you would... Why are you screaming? Its just me naked with a boner! According to hentai its completely natural! I mean I am getting to do you when I turn eighteen right? No? You are a horrible mother! I am so telling dad you wont give it up! Bitch, you like men that beat you up while fucking you? You do? Oh, my! This is like too freaky too me! *runs out girlie screaming* Dad, I watched some other hentai today and, I wonder if you... Moral: *Pants*, there you go.

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!