Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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-I love you.

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Man enters bar: Man: I AM MORAL MAN! My spear shall cut down the zealots, and my shield shall block (yeah you wish) be used as a additional weapon to push people down so I can thrust my spear even deeper into their hatred filled hearts! Woman: WOW! Moral: This pickup line wont work of course... not for you you aren`t the one and only EPIC: MORAL MAN! ;) Aka Epic man to those that still fail to understand that my morals are morals for a new order! No more religious wars, no more pedophiles, no more hatecrime... stand by me, and I shall not only speak for you, but also fight for you!

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!