Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man:Yeah, hey yo I'm feelin' like Ray Charles I got my shades on, I don't know where they are You couldn't find me even if you had a radar And I spit rapidly AKAR! Woman: OK ok so you claim to be Ray Charles and all, not that you look like him nor have the same voice... but tell me, how the hell did Ray Charles himself manage to get himself stuck in the ladies sauna room eh? Man: To catch the sight of them boobies! I mean... uh... I do not know young lady, I must feel my way out of here, I hmm... no, this is too soft and round to be a doorknob, and this one is too big and round... hmm... maybe if I try lower I will... oh excuse the pole its my walking stick which I keep in my pants...

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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I hate you already.

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!