Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!