At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!