hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +115

-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

thumb_up thumb_down -57

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

thumb_up thumb_down -7

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -10

"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

thumb_up thumb_down -101

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

thumb_up thumb_down -1

man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

thumb_up thumb_down +157

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Ryu at a Bar: Hey lady, you seem to be battle ready ;) wanna come home and get to know each other? I know some very "special moves" ;) Girl: Battle ready? Uh... "special moves eh?" OKAY! 2 weeks later: Girlfriend: Puff... puff... when you spoke about how you truly love me with all your heart... I expected more than... this fighting all the time... I wanna see these "special moves" you talk about ;) ;) ;) Ryu: The truth lies in the heart of battle! Girlfriend: Uh sure dear, but can I please go talk with my friends? I feel kind of beaten from uh... all the beatings... and lack of poundings... Ryu: Well... we have been fighting for hours so... SUREYOUCAN!!!! SMACK!!!!! Girlfriend: EEEEEEEEK! EEEEEEEEEK! EEEEEEEEEK! Announcer: KO! YOU WIN! DEFECT! Skill 00000000 Level of Moron 9001 Bonus 98493849384394839483. Ryu: You have to beat Shen Long to stand a chan... I mean I am so sorry dear! I must have walked a bit forward then accidentally ducked and jumped slightly upwards while using my strong punch button!... I am so sorry... its basically all I know to do! Girlfriend: I am sick of this! I am leaving you! Ryu: Argh... I AM BEING LEFT AGAIN? NOOH! Its the Dark... Hadou... I...WILL NOT LET YOU ESCAPE MY EVIL! HADOUUUUUUUKEN! Girlfriend: (dodges) HELP! SOMEONE FIND A DOCTOR! 2 Weeks later: Ryu: yes this... dark side takes me over and... its because all I know is Street Fighting and... uh some Street Fisting but I am new to that an.. Dr. Bob Sagat: Uh yes... well I am afraid you suffer from Schizophrenia Mr... uh...Hoshi? Ryu: Just Ryu...That Hoshi crap is just from the hilariously bad mov... Dr. Bob Sagat: Ok, so just take these medications and this "evil" "side" of you will not bother anyone anymore... now excuse me, I must leave, I have to feed my TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! Ryu: huh? Dr.Bob Sagat I have four Tigers you see, and I am training them to do a TIGER UPPERCUT! Ryu: Ok... Ex-Girlfriend: What the hell did this have to do with pick-up? Ryu: Well Uh... do not leave me, I suck at it and I... dont leave! NOOOOOOOOOOO! My... medication... Later Akuma: Hey girl... heard you want something better than your weakling ex Ryu. Girl: Sniff... yeah he is all crazy and stuff... Akuma: Well... I can replace him, I look almost the same without this stupid wig and fake red lenses... besides they do not call me the master of fisting for nothing ;) Girl: SUREYOUCAN! Bonus scenes: Dr.Bob Sagat: You stupid TIGER! Will never learn to do a TIGER UPPERCUT! I am tired of all of you! TIGER GENOCIDE! Special message from WWE (the animal protectors not Wrestling Entertainment you moron): please save the last remaining TIGER! From Dr.Bob Sagats UPPERCUT!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

thumb_up thumb_down -52

I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

thumb_up thumb_down +91

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!