Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!