Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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"You'll do."

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!