A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!