Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

thumb_up thumb_down +155

Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Welcome to DIE!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Penis. I got it

thumb_up thumb_down +16

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

thumb_up thumb_down -112

Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Hey, you want a ride?

thumb_up thumb_down +75

are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!