Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

thumb_up thumb_down -112

Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

thumb_up thumb_down -25

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +60

You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

thumb_up thumb_down -98

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down +1

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

thumb_up thumb_down -101

i am with stupid l l l \/

thumb_up thumb_down +217

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!