Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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your almost as hot as my wife

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!