Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!