I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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can i take a dump in your mouth?

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

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Do you want to see something swell?

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!