- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book