M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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-I love you.

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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You look exactly like my sister.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!