Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

I'll eat your poop

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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