A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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HI, DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME DOCTOR RABBIT THE HYMEN DESTROYER? Nero the clit collector: Actually this works pretty good, just wear a random rabbit costume, cut a hole where your CAWCK is, and make sure they are girls under twelve or below (because it kinda loses its meaning with little boys but fuck it anyways, yeah fuck it! FUCK IT TO THE LIMIT!) I work at a daycare center: Because I care.

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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I'll eat your poop

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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"Don't scream"

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!