Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!