My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Penis. I got it

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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I hate you already.

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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You smell just like my mom...

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Lol, again I am on a adrenaline... well let me be subtle... GANGBANGING WITH ANAL, PUSSY, TWO GIRLS FIGHTING OVER ONE COCK (Ladies there is enough down there to share)... ...Anyway, it reminds me of when I was 21, and I was like "You know what? Threesomes and that kinda stuff is nice and all, but I am a grown up now and... ...TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs Today I am 32, Married, (Hey my wife is into stuff, so its not cheating if she is the one enjoying while I videotape sometimes okay? (Never on cam, you crazy? You cant sell that shit! Okay I am kidding, the collection is personal) Ps: Seriously girls, one thing is that you smear yourself with my cumshots okay? But Hugging me afterwards? DATS SICK! (Name is Nero, I am not black, I am Hispanic, Latino Sexy... Well, actually when I take a look in the mirror I go, "meh well some guys got the looks"... ...I wont lie though, either my looks dont matter shite, or girls really like it...

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!