- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

Dont people ever get tired of PRETENDING like they dont need others aproval? I NEED APPROVAL I NEED APPROVAL! Moral: I REALLY DO! YEEEEEEEEES BECAUSE...Uh...you matter more than me? Nah, nothing like that, only I matter more than you...

Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

Still a better love story than Twilight

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

At a concert guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book