Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

cockface

I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

Male: Get in the van.

why are you you touching me ????

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

I think I shit myself

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!