- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" crying "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

So, you're a girl, huh?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"