Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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Im gonna rape you..

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!