- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

greetings clarisse...

Sex?

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

Man: Dayuuuum slaps ass Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

Have you met Ted?

“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

At a concert guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book