I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Have you met Ted?

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Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!