Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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Dont people ever get tired of PRETENDING like they dont need others aproval? I NEED APPROVAL I NEED APPROVAL! Moral: I REALLY DO! YEEEEEEEEES BECAUSE...Uh...you matter more than me? Nah, nothing like that, only I matter more than you...

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Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!