so... you're a girl,huh?

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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Welcome to DIE!

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!