Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!