Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

thumb_up thumb_down -45

I think I shit myself

thumb_up thumb_down -26

-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

thumb_up thumb_down +34

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

thumb_up thumb_down -55

-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

thumb_up thumb_down -34

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

thumb_up thumb_down +103

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down +74

If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Twinkle winkle little star, cuz my star is what you are... Moral: Heh, that one might actually work if you do it spontaneously and mean it, damn I keep failing at making bad pickuplines, I am so good I cannot fail! I WANT TO FAIL! (Legal disclaimer: Not really I just go hi-wire after... "flirting" yeaaaaaaah lets be subtle now "Moral" Man)

thumb_up thumb_down +56

I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!