-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

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Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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You smell just like my mom...

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!