Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!