B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

I'll eat your poop

Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

I just killed my wife. What should I do?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!