I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Man enters bar: Man: I AM MORAL MAN! My spear shall cut down the zealots, and my shield shall block (yeah you wish) be used as a additional weapon to push people down so I can thrust my spear even deeper into their hatred filled hearts! Woman: WOW! Moral: This pickup line wont work of course... not for you you aren`t the one and only EPIC: MORAL MAN! ;) Aka Epic man to those that still fail to understand that my morals are morals for a new order! No more religious wars, no more pedophiles, no more hatecrime... stand by me, and I shall not only speak for you, but also fight for you!

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!