- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book