Still a better love story than Twilight

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Yet another one from real life: At law school: Kid to woman: Why don't I ever get any of you?! *Woman laughs* Me: You could start by not whining so much... Kid: That wont ever work! You know that is bullshit! Its not like I am whining I just whine whenever blahblahblah... Me: Sigh... Girl: He is kinda cute... Me: Wha? Moral: Not a real anti joke, since I had not heard from any of them until today, I just got invited to their wedding...

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Male: Get in the van.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!