-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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whats up ho

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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The anti pickup line hard to believe: Woman: Me so hony! Me wan lose virginity to you! I make free love for hours! Man: Wow, are you that popular Asian supermodel known for her enormous tits? I heard you really are virgin! Damn I am single and all but I kinda promised my ex girlfriend I would help her get back together with the guy she cheated on me with. Woman: But me so hony! I wait for u for many many long time! But I wait for u only for a month is looong time! Man: Eh, I kinda promised I would fix her washing machine too, and then I have to cut her grandmothers toenails and... Anyways sorry I cant this month :( Moral: Yeah like that is ever going to happen! (then again I tend to expect too much)

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!