Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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sound of zipper

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!