Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

thumb_up thumb_down +127

You allergic to semen?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

-I love you.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

You smell just like my mom...

thumb_up thumb_down +35

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

thumb_up thumb_down +3

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -45

greetings clarisse...

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

thumb_up thumb_down -36

A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!