-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!