If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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I hate you already.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Do you want to see something swell?

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!