Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

thumb_up thumb_down -202

GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

thumb_up thumb_down +11

If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -50

"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

thumb_up thumb_down +3

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +83

You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

thumb_up thumb_down +40

You look exactly like my sister.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

thumb_up thumb_down +189

I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

thumb_up thumb_down +68

jack sanders

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!