Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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I have a gun.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!