Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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Man at a restaurant (that is out of everything but bar stools and alcoholic drinks): Man: Die monster! You don't belong in this world! Woman: Uh? Oh! Nice tribute to the cheesy Castlevania lines! Man:Tribute!?! You steal men's souls and make them your slaves! Woman: Uh... well with most of you men lacking a spine nowadays... I cant truly disagree with you... Man: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you! Woman: Savior? Who do you think I am? But now I am annoyed *throws glass that breaks* have at you! *slaps man* Man: HYDRO STORM! Throws a flask of water upwards as it breaks on the floor splashing the woman... Woman: NOW I AM ALL WET! YOU MORON! Dont you know me? Man: Man: M-Maria? Uh... What happened? Shaft: Damn you broke free from your spell! But it is too late! Muahahaha! Castlevania has already become a bar! Richter: Well... that's fine to me, as long as Dracula does not STEAL MEN`S SOULS! Shaft: Relax, he is into business now... Richter: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a businessman such as him! Shaft: Seriously! I invite you both at its VIP lounge and free beer to make up for the past mistakes... Richter: Excellent! But now feel my unbridled wrath!!!!! *punches Shaft* Shaft: Ouch! So... are we even now? Richter: Considering the free beer... okay... As they arrived Castle Barlevania they both got drunk and played "vampire killer" at the stage all night... Moral: Not much a Anti-Pick up line you say? Not only did Richter make a fool out of himself, but he also got her wet ;)

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!