Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

Nice legs what time do they open

M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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