- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!