You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!