-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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You look... clean

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!