You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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