Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

Welcome to DIE!

girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

My therapist says I should meet new people.

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!