Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

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You look exactly like my sister.

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"Don't scream"

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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jack sanders

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Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Gaywatch starts

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!