I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -116

I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down +136

Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down +30

my dick is 2 inches

thumb_up thumb_down -80

I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

thumb_up thumb_down -32

girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

thumb_up thumb_down +443

- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

thumb_up thumb_down +110

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -128

Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

thumb_up thumb_down +194

He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

thumb_up thumb_down +22

hey Herpes Go Away!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!