Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -35

who wants to play EPAR

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

thumb_up thumb_down -69

At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

thumb_up thumb_down +16

whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Gaywatch starts

thumb_up thumb_down -51

I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

thumb_up thumb_down +57

I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

thumb_up thumb_down +75

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +11

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

thumb_up thumb_down +132

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Twinkle winkle little star, cuz my star is what you are... Moral: Heh, that one might actually work if you do it spontaneously and mean it, damn I keep failing at making bad pickuplines, I am so good I cannot fail! I WANT TO FAIL! (Legal disclaimer: Not really I just go hi-wire after... "flirting" yeaaaaaaah lets be subtle now "Moral" Man)

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Yeah... you'll have to do.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's the difference between a duck? An orange

thumb_up thumb_down -79

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Sugar-free sugar cookies

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!