- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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I'll eat your poop

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!