Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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greetings clarisse...

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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free candy....

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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jack sanders

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!