-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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whats up ho

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!