- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!