F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Stable relationships are for horses.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

thumb_up thumb_down -40

My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

thumb_up thumb_down +42

You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Hey, do you want to dance? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down +116

- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -50

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

thumb_up thumb_down +74

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

thumb_up thumb_down -79

I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

thumb_up thumb_down -89

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Im gonna rape you..

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!