-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

You look like a dog... Wana bone?

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

Sorry to take up space, but this is simply my reply to the vile threats to that person whose line starts with "what did you say little bitch", know that he has no idea what he is talking about, and is possibly a simple mental case. Seriously, who the hell are you? And even so, who the hell do you think you are? Yeah with your terrible lack of discipline there is no way in hell you are or would become a soldier. You know very well that the navy would never waste its resources on helping your selfish and childish acts of revenge (or whatever you seek) Death threats will get you nowhere, and you can fully threaten me, but know that I live in Norway, and you can trace me and send your whole unit (if you had one) but by then you would solely be responsible for acts of war and be properly executed for international treason. Know your place civilian, we fight to protect you, do not shame us with your childish vendetta. Drill Sergeant Axel "Strength" Godøy. Aka "Moral Man" Ps: Threaten anyone again, and I will fill a full report and assure that your IP is banned from this network, you are shaming your people, your country and all that fight to defend world peace, try me out and see, give me that luxury.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!