Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down -15

The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

thumb_up thumb_down +2

guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

thumb_up thumb_down +72

-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

thumb_up thumb_down +104

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

thumb_up thumb_down +103

I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

thumb_up thumb_down +161

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +268

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

I'm desperate, you'll do.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

thumb_up thumb_down -72

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

thumb_up thumb_down -33

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!