Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!