Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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"Next!"

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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