Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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"Don't scream"

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Wanna have sex?

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!